One of the fastest ways to build warmth and familiarity in a relationship—whether it’s with a new acquaintance or an existing partner—is by finding common ground. It’s how we establish a connection with someone we’ve just met, and it can be just as powerful in rekindling or deepening bonds with someone we already know well. But how do you find new common ground with someone you already have a history with?
Even if you think you know everything about a person, there’s always room for more discovery. Finding new connections is an easy and natural way to enrich your relationship, and it doesn’t have to be complicated. By learning more about each other’s experiences, interests, and feelings, you can easily uncover new commonalities that strengthen your bond. Here are three simple yet effective ways to quickly find common ground and enhance any relationship.
- Ask About the Best Thing That Happened in the Past Week
A simple yet insightful question can open the door to meaningful conversations and uncover common ground: What was your favorite thing that happened in the past week? This question isn’t just about asking for a quick summary of their week—it’s a way to get them to share something positive and memorable. And it’s important to listen closely to their answer, because how they respond can reveal new insights into their personality, preferences, and experiences.
The key is not only to hear their response but also to engage with it. This is where free association comes into play. Once they’ve shared their favorite moment, take a moment to connect their experience with your own. For example, if they mention having a great time enjoying a slice of apple pie at a local diner, you could recall a time you went to the same diner but didn’t try the pie. This simple connection could spark a conversation about your shared love of the place, favorite foods, or past experiences there.
These kinds of spontaneous connections are powerful because they allow the conversation to unfold naturally. After a few exchanges, if you feel like you’ve run out of things to share, don’t be afraid to shift the question to a longer period. Instead of focusing on the last week, you can ask about the last month, the past year, or even the past ten years. This gives you the opportunity to explore deeper memories, personal milestones, and life-changing moments that can help you connect in new ways.
By using this method, the conversation naturally grows and flows, and you’ll be amazed at how much more you can discover about someone—even if you’ve known them for years.
- Explore Pet Peeves and Everyday Frustrations
Another quick and effective way to build connection is by discussing pet peeves—those little irritations that everyone encounters in daily life. While this may sound like a negative topic, talking about the small frustrations we all share is actually a great way to bond. We’ve all been there: getting stuck in traffic, dealing with annoying habits from coworkers, or struggling with a malfunctioning coffee machine. Discussing these things, even lightheartedly, can create a sense of solidarity and camaraderie.
You could ask your conversation partner, What’s something that really frustrated you recently? Or you might ask about the little things that get under their skin—things like the person who takes the last cookie or a noisy neighbor. The key is to keep the conversation focused on light, trivial annoyances, not deep or negative topics that could bring down the mood. The goal here is to connect over shared experiences of frustration without turning the conversation into a venting session.
Interestingly, research has shown that sharing a “common enemy” is one of the quickest ways to bond. In this case, the shared enemy is the annoyances that both of you encounter in everyday life. Whether it’s the person who’s always late, or the tiny but bothersome issue with a particular brand of toothpaste, finding those little irritants you both experience can create an immediate sense of connection. You’ll feel like you’re in this together, which strengthens your bond in an instant.
While talking about pet peeves, remember to keep the tone lighthearted. Use humor to defuse any frustration and keep the conversation fun. Once you’ve shared a few annoyances, the conversation will likely move into a more positive space as you both begin to laugh about the things that get under your skin. This is a great way to find common ground, strengthen your connection, and create a playful atmosphere.
- Ask About Their Travel Experiences
Travel has a unique way of revealing personal stories, passions, and memories that can help you uncover shared experiences or interests. Instead of asking the usual questions like “What are your hobbies?” or “What do you like to do in your free time?”, try asking a more specific and open-ended question: Where have you been?
This question might seem simple, but it invites the person to share a wide range of experiences and memories. Whether they’re recounting a trip abroad, a memorable road trip, or a family vacation, these travel stories often provide insights into what was meaningful to them at the time. It’s not about the destination itself, but about what the experience meant to them.
When they share their travel stories, it’s not just about where they went, but what they learned, felt, and experienced during those travels. Perhaps they went to a beach town and had a life-changing experience with friends, or maybe they traveled to a bustling city that sparked their passion for culture and history. Listening to these stories gives you a deeper understanding of what motivates them, what they value, and what makes them excited. You may find that you have traveled to some of the same places, or you may discover new destinations to add to your own bucket list.
Travel also brings out emotions and memories tied to personal growth, and these shared memories can reveal surprising commonalities between you. Maybe their trip to a particular destination inspired them to pursue a hobby that you also enjoy, or maybe they’ve visited a place you’ve always wanted to go. By asking about their travel experiences, you can quickly tap into a wealth of personal information that allows you to find common ground and strengthen your relationship.
- Keep the Conversation Light and Enjoy the Discovery Process
The best part about these three methods is that they can be used casually and without a lot of preparation. They don’t require deep or serious conversations right away; instead, they invite natural and enjoyable exchanges that allow both people to learn more about each other. You can introduce them in an informal setting, like during a dinner date or while taking a walk together.
Finding common ground doesn’t need to be forced. Instead of carefully crafting your questions or trying to control the direction of the conversation, just let things unfold naturally. The goal is to engage in the process of discovery together—listening, learning, and sharing memories in a relaxed, low-pressure way.
These techniques will help you build a stronger connection by uncovering new things about the person you’re talking to. By asking the right questions and paying attention to the details of their answers, you’ll be amazed at how quickly you can build rapport and deepen your bond. The more you learn about each other, the stronger your relationship will become, whether it’s a new connection or a long-standing one.
Final Thoughts
Finding common ground is one of the quickest and easiest ways to create a deeper connection with someone. Whether you’re asking about their favorite moments from the past week, their pet peeves, or their travel experiences, these simple questions can help you discover shared experiences, interests, and memories that make your bond even stronger. Keep the conversation light, stay engaged, and enjoy the process of learning more about each other. By doing so, you’ll build a relationship that’s rooted in mutual understanding and connection.